Blog Post

2am friend

Graham Foxwell • Jul 24, 2017

How it all started

This was a question on the radio a couple of weeks ago. Who’s is your 2am friend?

The other day I was discussing this with some of the guys at the Pub.

As I went up to the bar, I received a call from a friend whose life was falling apart and he needed someone to talk to. I went outside and we spent about half an hour chatting. By the end of the conversation he was feeling much better and able to cope more with the situation he found himself in.

The next day we met for lunch and things were still bad, but he was dealing with it much better.

So I was thinking...... just imagine if he had no one to call at that very moment when everything seemed to be crashing to the ground.

We know from the statistics I’ve already mentioned in my blogs - the consequence of situations like this for Men can be very

serious and devastating.

What is a 2am friend?

Let’s start with - what is a 2am friend?

A 2am friend, is that friend you are able to call at any time - 2am, 2pm, 12am, 8pm…. Anytime. A friend that will come to your aid at a moments notice.

These days, we seem to be too busy to be that 2am friend. We can all say, ‘just call if you need me’ and ‘let me know if I can be of help’ .

But do we really mean that, when we are called at 2 in the morning, to get out of bed and go to a friend in need? Even though we have to get up for work at 6am the next day, and have had a hard few weeks ourselves?

How far will we go for someone else, even if they call us their 2am friend, but they may not be yours?

Who is your 2am friend?

Literally today as I was writing this, I received a message from a friend in need. Was I going to be phoney in my response, or be true to my word. “ I am there for you my friend ”.

Do you have a 2am friend or friends?

As I said before, blokes are rubbish at talking. We will avoid emotional situations at all costs. We won’t phone someone up, because we don’t know what to say. Well say that “ I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you if you need a friend ”, offer practical things like a lift somewhere, a beer, a coffee, or just someone for them to shout at and get whatever pain they are going through right then, out!

And if you really are someone’s 2am friend, be prepared to get up at 2am and go fix a flat tyre, pick them up off the pavement when they’ve had mental breakdown, pick them up from the police station, or just need a friend.

The Science bit……

Did you know?

It is a known fact helping others will actually make you feel better:
  • Giving back has a physical and mental effect on your body.
  • Helping others will actually make You feel great.
  • People who volunteered and donated to charity, trigger the mesolimbic system - which is the ‘reward’ pathway in your brain.
  • This also releases feel-good chemicals and spurs you to perform more kindly acts.
  • Charitable activities lowered your stress.
  • Helping others can teach you to help yourself.
  • People who volunteer have been found to have higher self-esteem and overall well-being.
  • People who participate in volunteer work feel more empowered than those who do not.
  • People who volunteered over the last 12 months said volunteering enriches their sense of purpose.
  • People who volunteered are more calm and peaceful than people who didn’t.
  • Volunteering is a great way to promote a deeper sense of gratitude as we recognise more of what is already a blessing/gift/positive in our lives.
  • Helping others will also spur them to 'Pay Forward" and keep the cycle of happiness going.

 “Be a man”...... “Grow some”
I’m not keen on the challenge to “Be a man” or “Grow some” when a guy is going through some tough times.
But I would say to you, if you really want to “Be a Man” and “Grow Some”, be that 2am friend….. for real!

What If I don't have a 2am friend?

If you don't have anyone right now you can call or trust to be your 2am friend.... that's OK and normal. Most people are in the same position.

If you don't have any close ' 2am friends ' right now, think about joining a local group, club, sports club, voluntary organisation or faith group, and start to build up new friendships. And remember, helping others will actually make you feel better .

Think about the friends you currently have - are right for you and do they value you? You may need to make new relationships with people who do value and care about you. This doesn't mean you have to go round dropping friendships and telling them your not their friend anymore; It just means, finding new and valued friendships.

Last of all - a 2am friend can also be the many fantastic services out there, that provide 24hr support. See below or click on these links. - The Samaritans , CALM and SHOUT .

 

Please don't hold it in if you are struggling right now, speak to someone..... to your 2am friend or your GP, the NHS or one of the services above.

If you want to learn how to be a 2am friend, why not train as a Mental Health First Aider or become more aware about mental ill-health . please click HERE for more details.

 

Thank you for reading

Please share this article or drop us a line.
Look after yourself.

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