Cling to HOPE
Finding Hope
Graham Foxwell • 30 October 2023
Finding the power of hope in the midst of suffering
#Hope is a simple four-letter word that carries immense power. It's a force that has given me light in the darkest of tunnels, provide strength in times of adversity, and inspire me to look beyond my current circumstances. It’s my favourite word!
A few years back, when she was just a teenager, our beautiful youngest daughter was critically ill in hospital, fighting for her life with a severe a mental illness. She spent the best part of 5 years as an in-patient, in several different hospitals, some of which were 30-40 miles away from we live. Many times, we were told, we were going to lose her, and were told to prepare ourselves that she was not going to make it through this illness. A a few times she was within 24hrs of dying.
Also, during time, my eldest daughter was in a toxic marriage. Which finally broke up and ended in divorce. As a result, she suffered with depression, rejection, stress and anxiety, finally ending up moving back home to be with us.
On top of all this, my dad was in and out of hospital with health issues, as were my parents in-law, the company I worked for where making redundancies, and my department was earmarked as ‘at risk’. I had a serious car accident. And the Youth organisation I’d help build up over several years closed because I could no longer run it and there was no one else to step in.
During this time, as you can imagine, the relationship between my wife and I was put under great strain, and eventually the painful events going on around me, exceeded my ability to cope. So, you could say, life during this period was dark, desperate and seemingly without hope.
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However, the power of hope is a remarkable force that can shape our lives and drive us forward, helping us to persevere. And I want to share with you the profound impact that hope give me, and can have on us all individually and society as a whole.
When we have hope, we find a renewed strength that was not there before that helps us to fight on with a renewed determination. Hope is a powerful motivator, whether it's overcoming a personal challenge, pursuing a dream, or striving for a better world. Hope serves as the fuel that keeps us going, even when faced with difficulties. This motivation is what propels us as individuals to make significant strides in our lives and defy the odds.
When I was going through this challenging time, there were many times, when I could take no more. I saw what I thought, was a light at the end of the tunnel. But I wasn’t. It turned out to be to be yet another challenge, that came at me like a freight train coming in the opposite direction. It ran into me, knocking me of my feet and bouldering me over and over again. Pushing me further and further back into this deep dark tunnel that I found myself in. During this time; as a parent, I had, we had feelings of guilt, shame, blame and failure.
I never knew there could be so much pain from the anxiety and the hopelessness I felt, we felt, as a family. Watching one daughter suddenly change so quickly, so negatively, and just fade away. And the other in such pain and misery. We felt hopeless and helpless, not knowing what the future held.
I am not exaggerating when I say; at times I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest and I thought I was going to die. I thought “you’re the father here” - “you’re the parent” – “the adult” – “get a grip, “sort yourself out!”.
As time went on, I sunk deeper and deeper into a black pit of depression. I tried in vain to get myself out. But It felt like the depression and anxiety stood over me like an angry boxer. Who had already knocked me down many, many times, and it would whisper in my ear “don’t you dare try getting up, I will just knock you down again and again and again!” So, in the end, I didn’t - and My hope started to slip away.
Hope is an essential element of resilience. In the face of adversity, hope can be the lifeline that helps us endure and bounce back. It allows us to view challenges as temporary setbacks rather than insurmountable barriers. Hope keeps our spirits high during difficult times, enabling us to see the potential for improvement and growth.
The impact of hope on my mental health was and still is powerful healing and driving force. It can alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety, offering us a positive outlook on life. Hope promotes emotional well-being, as it encourages people to focus on possibilities rather than dwelling on past mistakes or regrets. Cultivating hope can be a powerful tool for maintaining good mental health.
Hope is not something that randomly appears; it needs to be nurtured and cultivated. Here are a few ways to do this, that I have found helpful.
- Find acceptance. Learning to accept ourselves, warts and all, and being kinder to ourselves when things go wrong will increase our enjoyment of life, our resilience and our well-being. You might find this helpful -
This serenity poem used a lot in therapy work -
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
- Seek joy in all you do. You see, happiness is a fleeting thing, that relies on an outcome, or conclusion - If I this happens, I will be happy, if I doesn’t, I won’t. If I get this job, I will be happy, if I don’t, I won’t. Joy however, is not a response to some experience, situation or result. Joy It is a constant and a choice. Joy is doing what we were made to do, no matter what we experience, no matter what situation is, no matter what the result or outcome is. we can experience Joy.
- Set realistic goals, by defining what you want to achieve and break it down into manageable steps. This can help you maintain a sense of purpose and hope.
- Surround yourself with positive influences. Spend time with people who uplift and support you.
- Practice gratitude, by focusing on what you're grateful for, can help maintain a hopeful perspective, even in challenging times.
- Helping others is great for our mental health. Acts of kindness and helping others can boost your sense of hope by creating a positive impact on those around you.
- Stay informed and engaged: Learn about and contribute to causes or initiatives that align with your hopes, values and life goals.
On a larger scale, hope can be a catalyst for societal change. Throughout history, many social movements and revolutions have been driven by a collective hope for a better future. When a group of people comes together with a shared vision and hope for change, they can achieve remarkable transformations in society. Don’t we need that right now, with what is going on in the world? Hope for a more just, equal, and sustainable world has inspired countless movements and initiatives.
I believe hope is an essential element of the human experience, offering motivation, resilience, and the potential for positive change. I can testify to It being the beacon of light in the darkest of times. Embracing hope by nurturing it, and sharing it with others can lead to a brighter, more promising future for us all.
So, to conclude my story. Today, my daughter is stands restored from her illness. She is married to a wonderful man with four beautiful children.
My eldest daughter is now re-married to a wonderful man too, and they too have two beautiful children of their own.
I kept my job. My dad and father in-law seemed to gain a new sense of life, right up to when they passed away. And my mum in-law is doing amazing.
And my wife, who showed such strength through all of this, is still my wife, and we are stronger together, having gone through it.
Find your hope, and cling to it with all your might.
Thank you for reading and please like, share and comment.
Graham
P.S. If you are struggling to find your HOPE, please drop us a message and we will do our best to help.
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